Pieces From My Personal Purgatory

Things that didn't exit my life well in the past don't just disappear, they go into a kind of personal purgatory.

I'm in the space of grieving and I know that I'm letting go of a lost childhood. You know, Purgatory may not actually exist as we know it, at least in the afterlife, but I think there is a place of purgatory within us. A place where the "I don't knows" get to go and if they behave themselves later on in our lives they get to come out and be of benefit to us. But if they misbehave they are cast out into our own personal Lake of Fire.

By behaving, I mean that they are processed and integrated well into our personal story. And this really depends on what kind of persons we become, or are becoming, as we enter into our Sunset years. This is the time where we want everything in our life to have a soft warm glow around it, we want to remember things in the best possible light, and so we allow the impact of the affects in our personal narrative to hit us differently. We've learned a lot more along the way, and we allow for a lot more "What Ifs." What if he was just as broken as I was, or even more so, What if I didn't remember it quite the way that I thought I do, What if I really was the monster in their story, What if...?

The best lens to look through our lives when looking over the shoulder and deep into our hearts, is the lens of scripture. When we have come to trusting scripture, specifically trusting God through what he says in His Word, then we begin to look backwards with a new ability to see what was there all the time, or more importantly to see Who was there all the time.

Because God is faithful and true, if we are living a kind of leaning in Christian Life, we will - through the power of His Spirit - come to embrace this truth as our own. It becomes heart knowledge where it was head knowledge. And when it becomes heart knowledge it can transform the rest of our knowledge. Wisdom has a way of transforming knowledge because it teaches us how to take what we have learned and turn it into what we can live. It also allows us to see how we have lived. It Allows us to judge ourselves through the light of scripture.

The true power of the Word of God is that it changes us to where we start to become more like Him, and then as we realize that, we desire to become more like Him. That is its very purpose. And that is God's very purpose for us. To be conformed into the Image of the Living Christ. To be a little more like Christ? No. To become a Little Christ. You-flavored Christ. Me-flavored Christ. Michael-flavored, Christ-like, Cross-bearing, Son of God. That Kind of Christ.

One of the most important things we begin to see is that His presence was already in our lives. I'm able to read this because I'm still alive. I know that the purpose of the devil is to steal, kill and destroy, emphasis on kill. And not only does he want to kill us, he wants to destroy any possible good that could have come from our lives. But the devil couldn't succeed, because of the protecting presence of Jesus in my life, even from the very beginning, in my mother's womb. He kept me then, He will keep me now.

This part of my forgiveness Journey is a marked way to begin to reclaim the unprocessed areas of my life, to enter boldly into the places that I simply had left in purgatory. In reclaiming these areas of the past, I'm able to prepare for my future. Because I want to be That Kind of Christ while I yet live.

Rocking the Selah: Practical Reasons for Meditation (Part 2)

This is Part 2 of a 2 part article on Meditation.

The first practical reason for meditating is that it's mentioned rather significantly in scripture. In Part 1, I shared 17 scriptures which mentioned meditation. Here are some other reasons: 

Meditation and emotional and physical well-being 

Possible benefits of meditation include: 

• Gaining a new perspective on stressful situations
• Building skills to manage your stress
• Increasing self-awareness
• Focusing on the present
• Reducing negative emotions
• Increasing imagination and creativity
• Increasing patience and tolerance
• Lowering resting heart rate
• Lowering resting blood pressure
• Improving sleep quality

Other issues that meditation may positively impact include: 

• Anxiety
• Asthma
• Cancer
• Chronic pain
• Depression
• Heart disease
• High blood pressure
• Irritable bowel syndrome
• Sleep problems
• Tension headaches

The above lists come from "Meditation: A simple, fast way to reduce stress"

Why does it work?

In our culture, we live in a state of constant stimulus which we're trained to accept as ominpresent since birth. In fact, too much quiet is disturbing for the average person. That also applies to intellectual and emotional noise. In short, something is always going on. But our bodies and minds weren't designed to operate like that constantly - it's why we do our best healing while resting. 

Meditation is a discipline which consciously seeks to unplug from stimulus around us and seek calm and clarity within. For Christians, this is important because we are the temple of the Living God, and the Holy Spirit dwells within us, but rarely are we taught effectively to just sit and talk to Him, to feel His presence, and just let ourselves be in His presence. 

That being said, meditation can be approached safely with a number of principles in mind. Many of these principles are like music, or choice in clothes - tend to be more impacted by culture and conscience than truth. And yet, they do impact how much we can trust them, and therefore put our faith in them. The guiding principle is found in Rom 14.14

I know that there is no food that is wrong to eat. The Lord Jesus is the one who convinced me of that. But if someone believes that something is wrong, then it is wrong for that person. [ERV]

Though initially talking about food, the principle, greatly expanded and explained by reading the whole chapter, points to submitting to our own conscience, that internal sense of values and beliefs which tells us whether is something is wrong or not. But Paul patiently explains that if someone believes that something is wrong, it's wrong for me. The larger context is a warning against wrongly judging other people. 

A word of caution for dealing with meditation

Words like this are challenging and perhaps dangerous to the young and/or unprepared Christian mind. The challenge is that many who espouse these principals fall short by failing to clearly exalt the person of Christ, or when they do, they equate His teachings and practices to no more than the teachings and practices of "Other Great Teachers." This is dangerous because the door of unguided choice is left open, and hence, the opportunity to reach for spiritual depths without acknowledging the sacrifice of Christ as the Christ; therefore one would enter this realm without the guidance and anchoring of Holy Spirit. Summarily speaking, they exalt peace without pointing to the Prince of Peace. 

A key point of safety: if the principle you are learning is not based upon the Word of God and/or exalt the Lord above all other things, then that principle is suspect, and to be avoided or approached with great caution. Always remember that Word of God is our Ark of Safety. 

Some tips on how to meditate

There are numerous variations of Christian meditation. Some simply look like Eastern meditation using Christian terms or scriptures. Others have a decidedly more "Christian-ese" bent to them, even to the speaking of scriptures out loud. Find something that's comfortable for you and then practice it with your whole heart. 

The core of meditation is calmness and how/what you are focusing upon. Whatever way you find to bring yourself to a place of calm is up to you. There are numerous techniques - everything from sitting or laying down to aerobic exercise (for example, some people find a light jog rather soothing and somewhat clarifying). 

More important is how/what you are focusing upon. Generally accepted across the board. Christian meditation is not about "emptying" one-self of thought, it is about becoming more aware of the presence of God. Because God is omnipresent, the shift is from thinking about ourselves as separate from Him and more about understanding that He is here with me right now. So we focus on Him. 

For some, that means focusing on a single word or image. My personal favorite is the word shalom: peace. When thoughts threaten to overwhelm my mind, I focus on that word. Or I focus on simply praising Him with a simple phrase - Hallelujah, or Lord I praise You, or Thank You. You may want to focus on a memorized scripture or read one - or several. The key is to quiet my heart while desiring to be more aware of His presence. Whatever technique I use is simply to keep my mind from thinking about everything else under the sun, which our undisciplined thoughts are very keen on doing. 

And that's really about it

So, it isn't that complicated. In fact, Christian meditation is not about what it is, but what it isn't: complicated or keeping the focus on yourself. It's a simple art which takes time to "master" and in the mastering, you find The Master: Jesus. Which inevitably will cause you to want to just sit at His feet and just enjoy His refreshing presence. There are resources out there, but just prayerfully trust the Holy Spirit to both guide you as you embark upon your journey. Like with prayer, there's no one real right way - just let your heart is focused on God and His presence. 

At least that's my prayer and hope for you. 

Rocking the Selah: Practical Reasons for Meditation (Part 1)

Meditation of St. Jerome / public domain

This is Part 1 of a 2 Part Article on Meditation.

"Think happy thoughts in Spanish," a friend would admonish me, from time to time. Since I didn't know much Spanish, this would have proven problematical. And I'm not sure if I would be happy just making the attempt, so... But thinking happy thoughts (in English or at least using pictures) I can definitely do! 

So: day 2 of a new journey. I've tried meditation before, but I'd like to think that my journey through graduate school is helping me to be more informed, less negatively biased. Update: I originally published this article March, 2016. I'm updating and polishing it to reflect a number of powerful, positive things I've learned both about and in meditation!

Meditation is a curious word for Christians and I'm hoping you can approach it without fear. Like many terms, it has become stigmatized, something better left for cultists, mystics, other folks, especially folks who don't know how to pray. But it's a powerful tool whose use is actually "highly suggested" in the Bible. 

What is meditation? Deep contemplative reflection. Listening. My favorite scriptural reminder to meditate is "Selah." Pause, and think on this. Meditation is the discipline of harnessed thought. What you focus on is what you become. The Bible says, "As a man thinks in his heart, so is he." If you think on the Word of God, the outcome is you become more like God!

Meditation has become part of the work of love to which I am called. It is my key proving ground, the place of discernment, the arena of conflict where God and I sort out the good, the bad, and the ugly in the greatest hope of becoming something beautifully useful: His Peacemaker. It's a work of deep thought, and in that aspect of it, I suspect the reason for so many  (American) Christians turning away from it: it requires you to sit still and think on things. And yet, making full proof one one's ministry is being able to give an answer to those who require it of you:

But set Christ apart as Lord in your hearts and always be ready to give an answer to anyone who asks about the hope you possess. Yet do it with courtesy and respect, keeping a good conscience... [1Pe 3:15-16a NET]

And in the Passion Translation

But give reverent honor in your hearts to the Anointed One and treat him as the holy Master of your lives. And if anyone asks about the hope living within you, always be ready to explain your faith with gentleness and respect. Maintain a clean conscience... 

[1Pe 3:15-16a TPT]

How can we give reverent honor in our hearts? By making Jesus, the Anointed One, the center of our thoughts. We think on Him over and over again. Why? Because in that way we'll always be ready to explain our faith. And how does one maintain a clean conscience? By doing what he or she believes. And one believes what one not only knows, but has settled their mind and values upon, which can intentionally be done by meditating and searching out to understand these things.

Where should I begin? The Word, of course! Let's start at looking where the Bible mentions meditation. 

1. [Gen 24:63 ]  And Isaac went out to meditate in the field in the evening; and he lifted his eyes and looked, and there, the camels were coming.
2. [Jos 1:8]  This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.
3. [Psa 4:4]  Be angry, and do not sin. Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still. Selah
4. [Psa 63:6]  When I remember You on my bed, I meditate on You in the night watches.
5. [Psa 77:6]  I call to remembrance my song in the night; I meditate within my heart, And my spirit makes diligent search.
6. [Psa 77:12]  I will also meditate on all Your work, And talk of Your deeds.
7. [Psa 119:15]  I will meditate on Your precepts, And contemplate Your ways.
8. [Psa 119:27]  Make me understand the way of Your precepts; So shall I meditate on Your wonderful works.
9. [Psa 119:48]  My hands also I will lift up to Your commandments, Which I love, And I will meditate on Your statutes.
10. [Psa 119:78]  Let the proud be ashamed, For they treated me wrongfully with falsehood; But I will meditate on Your precepts.
11. [Psa 119:148]  My eyes are awake through the night watches, That I may meditate on Your word.
12. [Psa 143:5]  I remember the days of old; I meditate on all Your works; I muse on the work of Your hands.
13. [Psa 145:5]  I will meditate on the glorious splendor of Your majesty, And on Your wondrous works.
14. [Mal 3:16]  Then those who feared the LORD spoke to one another, And the LORD listened and heard them; So a book of remembrance was written before Him For those who fear the LORD And who meditate on His name.
15. [Php 4:8]  Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.
16. [1Ti 4:15]  Meditate on these things; give yourself entirely to them, that your progress may be evident to all.

These 16 scriptures mention the positive results of meditation in the NKJV, and in reading through all of these we get a picture of what and who to meditate upon. We even see indications of how we can meditate. So the first practical reason for meditating is that it's mentioned rather significantly in scripture. 

Slowly take the time to read these scriptures again, prayerfully, and consider if this is the right time to look into it. We'll talk a little more about that and some of the numerous practical benefits from meditation which we'll share about in Part 2 of  "Rocking the Selah: Practical Reasons for Meditation." 

Remnants of Forgiveness: Gold Tried in the Fire

Image Source: Pouring Liquid Gold
by Dan Brown from London, UK / CC BY 2.0 DEED

So, I'm sharing the middle of this journal entry with you after I've gone through the really raw parts, but what's left... well, that's what this entry is all about.

Forgiveness Is Not Optional (Forgiveness Part 3)

Perhaps you’ve been on the receiving end of offenses: someone has caused you to stumble in your life, and though you may have gotten up, you haven’t gotten over it. Not yet. We still have the sting of abandonment or betrayal gnawing at our soul and we’re wondering if we can ever be free. We still see the shadows of self-doubt and the knowledge that the people are unsafe, and shrink back in fear.

But Jesus came that we would have life, and have it more abundantly. He came to undo the work of the evil one. He came that we would be free.

So how did some of these things happen to us?

Matthew 18th chapter is a snapshot of Jesus's view of spiritual community. In the first six verses it addresses who is the greatest and the necessity of humility, as a little child. In verses 7 through 9 he shares how seriously we should be to avoid causing others to be offended or tempted to sin by our actions. Offenses, also called stumblingblocks in some translations, give occasion and context for sinful behavior on the part of others.

In verses 10 through 14 he shares the Parable of the Lost Sheep and how the shepherd leaves the 99 to go after the one. In context this sheep has been separated from the shepherd and sheepfold by offense. Once offense occurs, we must take great pains to correct the issue, and this requires forgiveness, and this Our Lord visits in vss 15, 21 and 22, and 32-35.

Vs 15: “If your brother sins, go and show him his fault when the two of you are alone. If he listens to you, you have regained your brother.

Vs 21-22: Then Peter came to him and said, “Lord, how many times must I forgive my brother who sins against me? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “Not seven times, I tell you, but seventy-seven times!

Vs 32-35: Then his lord called the first slave and said to him, ‘Evil slave! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me! Should you not have shown mercy to your fellow slave, just as I showed it to you?’ And in anger his lord turned him over to the prison guards to torture him until he repaid all he owed. So also my heavenly Father will do to you, if each of you does not forgive your brother from your heart.”

The heart of forgiveness is about regaining your brother or sister, preserving the essence of relationships and community. In verses 21 and 22 Jesus explains in one answer how far He wants us to go and how impossible the standard truly is. Some versions have 77 times, others have 70 times 7. The answer is the same: we cannot forgive at this level without the agape love of God.

Failing to forgive is no casual matter, it is the height of hatred for your brother or sister and offense towards God. Versus 32-35 depict that if we cannot show mercy to our brother or sister, just as we have had mercy shown to us for every sin that we have ever committed and ever will commit by forgiveness and the covering of our transgressions, then we are as the evil servant who refuses to share the same with others. Such people are punished, turned over to the prison guards for torture until all is repaid.

Forgiveness must come from the heart, not merely from the mind or mental assent. Mental assent means that I have decided to forgive someone, but forgiving from the heart means that I gracefully and patiently go through every possible length to root out any trace of thought, or emotion which would cause me to treat my brother or sister in any way less than what I would want to be treated if asked for forgiveness.

You see, when we treat anyone with less than unconditional love, we sin. Because when we love less, we are actually love-less. God, and therefore His children, do not love on a “sliding scale.” Failing to love is not loving less, it's hatred Love is an all or nothing position for a Christian. Our love walk may not yet be mature, but an unloving Christian should never be. Next week’s topic is about love, so we’ll talk about that a little more then.

So, knowing we are required to forgive, we reduce our forgiveness to a ritual statement, “Of course I forgive you.” But our fear towards them continues. Our anger towards them continues. And bitterness begins to taint our perception and filters the eyes of our soul.

We try to hide it from ourselves, which complicates even further. It begins to take a toll on our soul and body. It causes us stress and anxiety. We’re not as quick to trust. We “guard our hearts,” but not out of wisdom, but from fear of being hurt again.

It can even cripple our ability to receive and to give love effectively.

Let me say that I am deeply sorry to you who have received harm at the hands of those who should have been there to protect you, especially before we even had the ability to truly cope with the matter in a way that would not leave emotionally scarred and spiritually wounded.

Because it’s the job of the shepherds, the authority figures in our lives, to protect us from these things and when we are lost and astray, to bring us back into the sheepfolds of spiritual and emotional safety. And too many times, the offense comes at the very hands of those tasked to protect us. Parents. Teachers. Ministers. Police. Politicians. Spouses.

Sin exists. They are human. But it still isn’t right.

That’s OK, but hear this: forgiveness is not about setting them free. It’s about setting you free. By Royal Decree, if you lose sight of the fact that you’ve been forgiven much and you fail to forgive, your punishment will be severe.

A heart of forgiveness must precede reconciliation. Because if you go to your brother or sister to let them know you have been offended, but you have not forgiven them, then their apology will fall on your deaf ears, and a potentially hard heart.

And understand that forgiveness is both a decision and a process, much like salvation. We are saved by asking Christ to forgive us, but there is still much that needs to be worked out within us - it’s a faith walk. It is so with forgiveness. Sometimes the things done to us are so traumatic that though we can say “I forgive you,” and mean it, we still have to work out our soul’s salvation with fear and trembling, knowing that if we fail to forgive, we may forfeit the freedom of our own soul.

If there’s something in you that still holds on to what has happened in the past, this is the day to declare forgiveness: release, and freedom.

“But they’re still free, they haven’t been punished.” Oh, my dear friend, and beloved of God, you’re not of that spirit any more. The righteous judge will see that they get all they deserve; leave that to Him. Cease playing God, it’s killing you. He will sort everything out. Do not avenge yourselves, dear friends, but give place to God’s wrath, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. (Rom 12:19 NET, see in context vss 14-21)

The things they’ve done, and the impact it’s had upon you are not going to go away with one prayer of forgiveness, or one night, or maybe one week. You will likely have to forgive over and over again. But for the vast majority of us that need inner healing because of broken hearts and wounded spirits, unforgiveness is likely the root of a great many of our ills. It certainly is for me.

Things have been lurking around in the shadows of my mind concerning people I was sure that I’d forgiven. The principal who held me back a grade after we had just moved to a new state. The fellow at the gas station who attempted to molest me. The guy in school who fought me for no reason (that I could remember). My father for his adultery and neglect of his family. The police officer who arrested me wrongfully. The church for not keeping me safe and helping me to heal and also turning their back on me in two times of great need. …myself for allowing so many horrible and ungodly things to happen in my life, whether I’d done them or they had happened to me.

Most, if not all of them I had forgiven. But some I had not forgiven from the heart. The residue was useful for the lies my flesh, satan, and the world wanted to tell me about people not being safe. About me being less than good enough. About me deserving the evil things in my life because of the dark things I'd done, sins I had already been forgiven of, but had never truly processed - because I had not forgiven myself from the heart as well, and therefore could not receive the forgiveness of God fully in those places.

The simplicity of grace is this: you are forgiven, and in that, you are enough and His grace is enough. The King of the Universe loves you, has freed you, but He wants you to participate in your Healing Journey by freeing yourself and releasing those who have wounded you. Decide to forgive yourself. Decide to forgive those who have wounded you. Walk towards that true depth of forgiveness from the heart by allowing God to illuminate the lies you have labored under because of the entryway of their offenses, and release them.

Forgiveness is not optional, and it's often not easy. And when you need someone to walk with you on this part of your Healing Journey, reach out to us. Because you’re not alone, you’re in good company. Share your truth. Ask your questions. Pour out your frustrations. But let’s get this started; let’s be free.

This is Part 3 of a 3 part series on Forgiveness. Part 2 can be found here.

The Heart of the Matter (Forgiveness, Part 2)

My brother and sister, I want to start this entry out by saying “It’s OK to be Not OK.” And today, I’m not OK. Or I wasn’t for awhile, and I took it to the Lord, and we’re working it out. I don't want there to be any illusions about where I am. When I shared that I was on my own Healing Journey, I wasn't talking hype or rhetoric, but simple fact. While I've learned some about inner healing, and I've come a ways on my journey, I have in no way arrived, and nor will I in this life.

Musique d'ambiance du jour (mood music of the day): Heart of the Matter by Rob Henley (aka, I think It’s About Forgiveness). Warning: Secular song repurposed for Holy use. If this kind of thing offends you, please skip it. If you're not sure, give it a shot! Oh, and the song is sorta sad, so watch out for that...

There will always be offenses to forgive. And furthermore, you're going to have to revisit some things that you thought you had dealt with before, because they affected you in ways that you couldn't understand earlier, but it needs your attention now.

Jesus stated that we have to forgive 70 times 7; perhaps this is one of the reasons why. We learn empirically, that is to say our theoretical and standing knowledge is updated by our experience. However, we test these things that we learn against more acquired knowledge. The theoretical becomes understanding, which is the basis for wisdom. In short, the more you know, the more you understand, and once you gain new understanding you are in a position to reevaluate a thing. We are being transformed by the renewing of our mind (cf. Rom 12.2).

Forgiveness is not merely a decision, but also a process. This is relevant to our healing because we forgive a person for an incident or a series of incidents, then we learn something new. We re-evaluate in light of this new thing, and we may become offended all over again.

Sometimes we are offended in an even greater light than we were before, and it almost feels as if we hadn't even forgiven them. Rest assured that we have, but we have reached a place where we must forgive them yet again.

This brought me to the place where I was not okay and I sat down to pen these thoughts. And when we are studying and evaluating something with an eye towards sharing, not just the specific areas that are already familiar to us, but peripheral areas as well, we gain more insight and we wind up in this particular situation I have found myself. Discovering yet another area that I have been significantly impacted and having to forgive yet again.

So I didn't understand how deep the trauma ran. But I do know who is in control of the tempo of my Healing. I understand that it was the pace grace of God that kept me from feeling overwhelmed every time the waves would threaten, that He would somehow give me the surfboard of His providence - whether it was His Word, a song, people, a sunrise, a squirrel outside my window; and I would ride those crazy chaotic waves until they subsided and I could breathe again.

I know I said it earlier, and perhaps you have heard it before, but It is Okay to be Not Okay. Under normal circumstances, when these kind of feelings threaten to overwhelm me I Activate a Cycle Breaker: I get into My Word, I meditate, I sing praises and/or pray, I write, I drive somewhere, or any combination of these activities to actively combat the mindset that is trying to settle in and disrupt my ability to function effectually in the here and now.

But every now and then, a Special Grace is laid upon me to simply stay in that moment and to feel what is going on. And I know that is a Grace because I can see the chaotic waves, they're threatening to drown me, to cause me to sink into sorrow or to lash out, but Jesus is the one who calls me out of the boat on this one, and I stay focused on him, and I walk on the waves, or continue my metaphor from earlier, I surf on them.

It's moments like these that I learned that Peter wasn't called out on the water for his own self edification, but it was left on record so that we would know that Jesus will call us out on the stormy waters to show us the dominion He grants us over our storms, and as long as we keep our attention on him we won't falter. But if our faith should stumble and we start to go under, we only need cry out to Him and he will put us safely back into the ship. Side note: If He’s called you to be a healer, He will repeat the exercise until you can walk on those waters.

And there are days that I have stepped outside of the ship, and I have faltered. But today, the tears well up, and the anger doesn't want to subside, but I'm keeping my eyes on him and He’s walking beside me as I re-remember that the storm can’t destroy me, as He walks beside me.

After all, didn’t He state, “Come let us go to the other side?” And what He has begun within us he is quite capable and willing to complete, and this He shall do if we but let him.

Beloved, someone needs to hear your story. Someone needs to know that you still have days where you don't feel okay, that you have days that you actually are swallowed up by the waves, but Jesus pulled you back to safety. They also need to know how you stayed above the water, outside the boat. Someone needs to know that all of this is only by His grace; whether today I sink or swim, He has me, and it is by his grace that I will make it safely to the other side.

This is Part 2 of a 3 part post on Forgiveness. Part 1 can be found here.

Photo credit: HD wallpaper: Person's Silhouette on red textile, sorrow, forgiveness, sad

Forgiveness (Part 1)

 

I'm Angry

Have you ever witnessed or been at the receiving end of some injustice? Most of us are justifiably offended, perhaps angry, about something… or, unfortunately, someone. Certainly the world seems to be a more angry and bitter place. Corruption and injustice. Road rage. Hypersurveillance and social media. Epidemics and natural disasters. Cancel culture. Christians divided over doctrine, or worse, over political party. And I still have to buy food this month?

You like mood music? Check out “Anger Management by Lecrae and This’l”

I’m not saying that what you’re experiencing isn’t legitimate, I’m saying it’s causing us pain and dysfunction, and some of us may be silently, slowly bleeding out on the inside. When our offenses are not effectively attended to, it creates a state of unforgiveness resulting in many of our ills: emotional, mental, physical.

You see, forgiveness is more for you than for them. I mean, they can and will benefit in the long run from your forgiveness, but the one I’m trying to save is you.

I know the Word of God commands me to forgive. And I do! Or do i? Forgiveness, like love, is one of the commonly over-utilized and poorly understood principles of the Word of God that, when we fail to utilize correctly, results in misunderstanding, pain, and even further bondage.

The Offense

When we witness, or we’re at the receiving end of, something that is wrong we can become offended. I have been perceiving offense since I can remember. Because of the self life within me, since the time that someone took a beloved rattle away from, I have received offense.

It doesn't even have to happen to us, we can perceive offense when the event happens to someone else. What we do with that offense is based on the condition of our heart. We have a judgment call to make when an offense first occurs, and that is to dismiss it, or let the event dig in deeper and chew on it, and in that moment we are in an offended state.

An offended state is a perceived wrong which potentially disrupts the flow of love; be it, familial, friendship, fellowship, or the bond of common humanity, that is between us. Becoming offended is not a sin - it’s built in us to dislike injustice. It is our reaction to the offense that can become sinful. We can resolve it peacefully within ourselves, extend reconciliation towards the offender, or we can become angry. In a related article, “Am I Angry at God?,” I shared that “anger is a passionate and active response of the entire person to a real or perceived wrong (or an offense).” Paul states “be angry and sin not (Eph 4.26).” A lot of this flies beneath the surface of our awareness because we’re good at processing that kind of stuff really fast. Fearfully and wonderfully made, and all that.

Offenses can be real or imagined - projections of our sense of right and wrong based on a perceived situation, especially when I don’t know all the circumstances. Dealing with these offenses-at-a-distance only requires that I forgive, even if I don't confront the offending party. This is a unilateral action of forgiveness and is about maintaining my peace. For example if I witness a parent gently but firmly swat a child in a grocery store and I don't know what happened. It’s not my crying child, but at that moment I am tempted to be offended and the answer is to forgive, to release the parent from the debt of offense in my mind. This allows me to continue my day in peace and avoids anger towards that parent in particular.

More often, it is my responsibility to confront an offending person, especially when they are believers, regardless of whether they have offended intentionally or not. It’s my responsibility to go to them and explain my offense and allow them the opportunity to be fully reconciled to me. If that doesn't work, I am to take witnesses, and then bring it before church leadership.

It’s important that we forgive to restore the sense of relationship between us. Far too often, for any number of reasons, we don't do this. When this happens, our hearts spiral into a state of unforgiveness.

Sometimes we feel like we don’t have a right to confront the offender or we fear the repercussions. This happens particularly where the power scales in the relationship are different: a child with a parent, a student with a bully, an employee with a boss, a congregant with a church leader, a person in an unbalanced “love” relationship. Or perhaps we feel that we contributed too much to cause the offense, and we somehow deserved the offense.

But confronting our offender is critical, beloved. When our offenses are not effectively attended to, it creates a state of unforgiveness which can generate bitterness and hatred. I don’t want you to feel guilty or condemned about the things of the past, but it is time to learn how to start dealing with the sharp, painful, pointy shards of unforgiveness that seemingly choke out our love walk and cause us to lose faith in others… and ourselves.

I’d like for you to read Matthew 18 chapter as we start digging into why forgiveness is so pivotal to us as believers.

photo credit: Louise Hay, Forgiveness (CC BY-SA 2.0)

Am I Angry at God?

Anger is a passionate and active response of the entire person to a real or perceived wrong (“Anger,” Bridge Bible Church). It can be assertive, passive aggressive or openly aggressive, but if it is unchecked (especially the latter two), it will cause bitterness and all of the associate ills of this unruly poison. 

Why would we get angry at God? Some self-righteously think that “I love God, He is Good and Holy, Why would I get angry with Him? (so) of course I am not angry.” Some of us are more honest and realize that we really are angry at Him. In any relationship, anger will occur because offenses, perceived and actual, will come. Some are angry at God's people, and don't realize that they are taking it out on Him. 

Anger towards God can arise when we don’t understand or disagree with His actions, like with any parent. Except He’s not just any parent, He’s the ultimate parent who can see everything, creates good paths for us to trod, is supernaturally patient, merciful, loving, and kind; but He's also our Creator and our Redeemer who also chastises those He love because He knows what's best for us. 

The unfortunate side of being angry at God is very similar to anger with anyone else in authority. We don't take them as seriously as we should; we delay acting on what they're telling us; we're constantly looking for a loophole where we can be partially or totally disobedient. That's called following from afar off. Or we're just openly defiant and rebellious.

I think we have too great of a respect, a love, for the world to take God as seriously as we should; we don’t respect Him to the point of true fear, and therefore we don’t hate evil and sin the way that we should. We take God’s mercy and grace for the lenience and procrastination of men, believing that because He has not allowed us to yet receive what we deserve that He will not allow those things we deserve to come upon us. And so warning comes before destruction, and when warning will not work, sure destruction follows. Let him who have an ear hear: this is or was the source of our anger towards God.

And yet, destruction - correction - that does not end in death - means that we still have a chance to understand that our Holy Father loves us and has always desired what is best for us. He is yet giving us another chance to agree with Him, to grab hold of His ability to set us free from that which displeases Him (and which is hurting us!). 

Photo credit: "Mini Anger," Jon Fingas (CC BY-ND 2.0) 

What Does My Healing Journey Look Like?

Beers and Probst, 2012. “Notice and Note Signposts.”

 What Does My Healing Journey Look Like?

Everyone’s Healing Journey looks different. Fortunately, God is consistent and develops some pretty specific ways in speaking to us. These milestones and seasons in our lives form patterns and, if we’re observant, they can give us a sense of “less-than-randomness” and even an idea that there’s a plan and a provision for our lives. 

I've come to look it as a long Journey, which has a beginning, a destination, and some action in between those points. And it's rarely straightforward. But it does appear to sometimes have rhyme and reason.

It's in learning how to read the route and the signs - or milestones and seasons as I like to see them - that the journey starts making a little more sense. For example, if you’re driving on a long journey and you come to a rest stop, you know that it’s about taking a brief break, stretch your legs - but not too far - and get back on your way, hopefully refreshed. Here are some of the milestones and seasons I’ve identified in my life. 

Hope 

The Christian healing journey is marked by hope. It’s what we put our faith into allowing us to know that God is in control. Hope allows us to make it through situations when we don’t really understand what’s going on. Because of the presence of the Holy Spirit within us and the faithfulness of God towards us as evidenced by His Word, we can have Hope.

For in hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope, because who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with endurance. (Rom 8:24-25 NET)

Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you believe in him, so that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. (Rom 15:13 NET)

Faith in God’s Word

Faith arises when our hope, or the “belly of our spirit man,” is full of the Word of God, having received it as the Words of GOD. Though we should also have a steady, daily diet of the Word, there will be some seasons when the ONLY thing that’s getting us through is reading, hearing, and speaking the Word. 

For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is God's power for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. For the righteousness of God is revealed in the gospel from faith to faith, just as it is written, "The righteous by faith will live." (Rom 1:16-17 NET)

Consequently faith comes from what is heard, and what is heard comes through the preached word of Christ. (Rom 10:17 NET) 

For we had good news proclaimed to us just as they did. But the message they heard did them no good, since they did not join in with those who heard it in faith. (Heb 4:2 NET)

And so we too constantly thank God that when you received God's message that you heard from us, you accepted it not as a human message, but as it truly is, God's message, which is at work among you who believe. (1Th 2:13 NET)

Helping Others 

One of the signs of a growing Healing Journey looks like is the desire to help others. We can only progress so far on our own. Even if one fails to connect with an “official church body,” those who rely on relationship with God typically find themselves in friend- and fellow-ship with other believers. It may not look traditional, but these are the people that we can share our treasures and tribulations with. This gives us opportunity to put Word into action and after we ourselves have been impacted by the Word.

Therefore encourage one another and build up each other, just as you are in fact doing. (1Th 5:11 NET)

Let each of us please his neighbor for his good to build him up. (Rom 15:2 NET)

From Him the whole body grows, fitted and held together through every supporting ligament. As each one does its part, the body grows in love. (Eph 4:16 NET)

We help others as we have received and are receiving help and strength. This is a manifestation of the Spirit of Christ within us, working outwards through love.  

I Wanna Know What Love Is

"I give you a new commandment - to love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. Everyone will know by this that you are my disciples - if you have love for one another." (Jhn 13:34–35 NET)

So I believe what the Word says so far. Jesus is love, and Jesus said that they shall know that you are my disciples by loving one another. I agree with this in principal, but I’ve found that my idea of what love is rarely matches what scripture says. So, what does Biblical love look like?

Love is patient, love is kind, it is not envious. Love does not brag, it is not puffed up. It is not rude, it is not self-serving, it is not easily angered or resentful. It is not glad about injustice, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends... (1Co 13:4–8a NET)

Reading this beautiful description in 1Cor 13th chapter it can be very frustrating because “the list” is impossible to achieve (The Amplified (Classic) version is an even tougher one to read - try the link). The key is to not see it as a checklist of things wrong or right that day, or the standard by which we should gauge folks by (though it is useful to find out whether or not we're walking in love) but rather to see it as the attributes and aspects of an image which shows us the position or mark we are journeying to…

Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself to have attained this. Instead I am single-minded: Forgetting the things that are behind and reaching out for the things that are ahead, with this goal in mind, I strive toward the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. (Phl 3:13–14 NET)

This mark is to live life in such a way that we finish the race well and not only make it into heaven but receive all of the rewards that have been promised to us. It is exemplified in becoming as Christ-like as we can by living out a life of Love. 

Jesus even goes so far as to command us to love our enemies. 

Treat others in the same way that you would want them to treat you. "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. ... But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to ungrateful and evil people. (Luk 6:31–32, 35 NET)

I can only learn to love like this because the Spirit of God teaches and gives me the power to do so.

Let Go, My Ego

It is impossible for me to have an opinion of myself other than God's view and walk in Biblical love. Our troubles and our travails really center upon our inability to let go and trust God because of our pride-filled self-life, our flesh, or our ego. We may not be prideful in the sense of outwardly manifesting pride, but we like to be in control of our own affairs. This is subtly snubbing God, stating that, “Yes, I know you made the universe and all, but I’m the best authority on my own life… I’ll handle it from here…” and we do a horrific job of it. It is only in letting go my ego, dying to my self, that I can live the kind of life that God is calling me to.

When we look into the perfect law of Liberty what do we see? When we walk away, do we carry that saving knowledge within us, knowing that we need to change, or do we forget? When we finally sense things are not in our control we see our helplessness and we’ll do anything to make this bleeding fear go away. This creates anxiety on one end of the spectrum and on the other end of the spectrum it creates these (sometimes) unwritten and unspoken rules which take the place of God’s rule in our life to try to prop us up and, ironically, put us back in control. Or it may lead to depression as we silently succumb to the bleakness of the situation, or any combination thereof. Instead of trusting the Word and the Holy Spirit, we trust ourselves, refusing to hop off the throne of our life for more than a few moments at a time. 

The only way we can let our ego go and cause self to die is to trust in God by coming into agreement with and obediently submitting to His Word. We work with His Word and Holy Spirit to allow the nature and spirit of Christ to form in us. But we can do so with confidence because He’s always had a plan in place. This is why He died for us! 

Dear friends, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet been revealed. We know that whenever it is revealed we will be like him, because we will see him just as he is. (1Jo 3:2 NET)

You were taught with reference to your former way of life to lay aside the old man who is being corrupted in accordance with deceitful desires, to be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and to put on the new man who has been created in God's image - in righteousness and holiness that comes from truth. (Eph 4:22–24 NET)

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness, for we do not know how we should pray, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with inexpressible groanings. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes on behalf of the saints according to God's will. And we know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose, because those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And those he predestined, he also called; and those he called, he also justified; and those he justified, he also glorified. (Rom 8:26–30 NET)

Brokenness

It is difficult to let go of your ego without being broken. Being broken means we agree with the Word that we are continually falling short with Him because something within us is not working and we need healing. We often learn these things by our trials. Those trials are not to show God who we (He’s omniscient), the trials are for us. When those trials come and it seems if they're trying to break us, this is because they really are. However, they're trying to break us out of the old and into the new. The brokenness that comes forth can bring about lasting change into a life more in line with the Will of God.

No trial has overtaken you that is not faced by others. And God is faithful: He will not let you be tried beyond what you are able to bear, but with the trial will also provide a way out so that you may be able to endure it. (1Co 10:13 NET)

And have you forgotten the exhortation addressed to you as sons? "My son, do not scorn the Lord's discipline  or give up when he corrects you. "For the Lord disciplines the one he loves and chastises every son he accepts." ... Now all discipline seems painful at the time, not joyful. But later it produces the fruit of peace and righteousness for those trained by it. (Heb 12:5-6, 11 NET)

Desperation

When being broken fails to motivate us, desperation often does. Desperation fuels passion and pushes faith to God levels that he is pleased with, causing us to burn past, burn off, and burn up all of the things that have found us and held us and caused us to be captive for so many years. God, being both wise and loving, will sometimes allow things to come upon us which are so overwhelming and encompassing on every level, that they do put before us the temptation of condemnation or desperation; we will realize that we are in a horrible pit, often of our own devising, because of what lies within us. If we choose well we step into entirely new blessed seasons of life. 

Condemnation will come if we fail to resist Satan’s lies. We must know that God has to be at the center of our life and must be the ruler of it all and He is my source of all I need. At this point, we'll desperately reach out for him knowing that if we can just touch the hem of His garment, like the woman with the issue of blood after suffering for so many years, we shall be made whole. 

Sometimes the hem of His garment looks like a person, and He does desire to use His people to bring about His healing in the earth. It’s His body, fitly joined together as it pleases Him. 

So, since Christ suffered in the flesh, you also arm yourselves with the same attitude, because the one who has suffered in the flesh has finished with sin, in that he spends the rest of his time on earth concerned about the will of God and not human desires. (1Pe 4:1–2 NET)

For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers and sisters, regarding the affliction that happened to us in the province of Asia, that we were burdened excessively, beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of living. Indeed we felt as if the sentence of death had been passed against us, so that we would not trust in ourselves but in God who raises the dead. (2Co 1:8–9 NET)

Now I rejoice, not because you were made sad, but because you were made sad to the point of repentance. For you were made sad as God intended, so that you were not harmed in any way by us. For sadness as intended by God produces a repentance that leads to salvation, leaving no regret, but worldly sadness brings about death. For see what this very thing, this sadness as God intended, has produced in you: what eagerness, what defense of yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what deep concern, what punishment! In everything you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter. (2Co 7:9–11 NET)

Trying again… and again… and repeating as necessary

As we break out and away from our old self through the power of God, there will be many times when we become frustrated with our apparent lack of effort or even worse our seeming ability to fall back into old ways. This is actually a normal part of the healing journey, but the enemy loves to condemn us and fool us into thinking that we aren’t growing, or worse, going backwards. Breaking away from sinful habits takes time, effort, and Holy Spirit power through talking with God and ingesting His Word. Because the flesh is trying its best not to die and Satan has a vested interest in the same, there will be times when we fail. So we have to continue to try again. 

We are experiencing trouble on every side, but are not crushed; we are perplexed, but not driven to despair; we are persecuted, but not abandoned; we are knocked down, but not destroyed, (2Co 4:8–9 NET)

Although a righteous person may fall seven times, he gets up again… (Pro 24:16a NET)

For I am sure of this very thing, that the one who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. (Phl 1:6 NET)

And we do this in His power. He will never leave us nor forsake us, He will always remain true to His Word. And because of this, regardless of the circumstances, we find ourselves once again with hope.

He delivered us from so great a risk of death, and he will deliver us. We have set our hope on him that he will deliver us yet again. (2Co 1:10 NET)

Conclusion

The Journey of Life is incredible, sometimes beautiful, sometimes confusing, and everything in between; but God is always faithful. Sometimes it doesn’t feel that way, but He cannot lie. You just have to learn to read between the signs. This posting shares some of my life's most common signposts; perhaps they are familiar in yours? The familiarity has created a sense of comfort, both in the one providing the signs and my ability to understand what to do when I see them on the road. 

Some of these are challenging, either to grasp or to accept; they were for me for many years. Though I now understand their presence, and to some degree, their purpose, it still takes a bit to navigate them. Each of these various milestones or season topics require some degree of unpacking, which we’ll do later. If you found yourself in any of these, share it in a comment. Or perhaps you think I missed something that should be up there - share that too.  And if it was really something that really hit home, feel free to either comment or drop me a PM and we’ll talk about it. 

Invitation to a Healing Journey

I love people. This is the product of one of my prayers in the first year of being saved: “Lord, teach me to love people.” It’s a dangerous prayer, and yet, it’s one of the most God honoring prayers that can be uttered. Of course, God had to give me that prayer, but I didn't know He was behind it at the time. I stated a truth that God wanted to bring me to, not just in understanding, but in reality. Because I had no clue of how to love people at that moment. Dangerous, because God will turn our worlds upside down to help us get to our righteous destination. 

Certainly, I'm not trying to share how good I am, because I'm far from that. I'm better than I used to be, but I'm glad I have a clearer perspective of who and whose I am - and where I am. Paul, probably my favorite author, tells us with clarity that he hasn't arrived and was still pressing toward the mark of the prize of the high calling - and so are we all (see Phil 3.12-15).

Through trial and error - lots of trials, and lots of errors - I learned my inability to love others was in not knowing how to love myself. I didn't understand what love means, what self-love means, and even what self is. I had to unlearn much and then allow God to teach me things His way. And true healing didn't start until I first started to love Him and then understanding things from His perspective. 

My life has become a Healing Journey for myself, and perhaps for others who want an empathetic ear and a prayerful heart. I’m working out the simplicity of God's saving grace of God in my life - and after He’s put so much in you, it finds a way to come out. God loves planting and cultivating gifts within us that are for others! I welcome others at this junction of my journey because that which is working in me can only be further worked out within the presence of community. 

God designed humans curiously. We have an incredible capacity to look outwards, but very little natural ability to look inwards. At the same time, we typically only understand things from our own point of view. Looking inwards requires the perspective of others, tools, frameworks, and a Guide to understand just what’s going on inside of a world that’s not entirely of our own making, but far more our responsibility - and reward - than we realize. Our Guide is the Holy Spirit, and the tools and frameworks come from the Word of God and the voices of those around us, filtered through and subjected to His Word. The most valuable voices become our counselors, for there is safety in the multitude of counselors (Prov 11.14b). These people have gifts and talents that help us to see the things of God in a more effectual way. And it’s not always the “spiritual” stuff, God has given gifts and talents to all men to prosper in the earth - He made the rain to fall on the just and the unjust (see Matt 5.45b). 

The Lord can, and will, use anyone available for His purposes, even the unrighteous (please don’t go deep on me yet, we can talk about that later). He’s sovereign and can work all things together for our good (see Rom 8.28). I learned to not trust man (even myself!) because the heart of man is desperate and deceitful, but I do trust what I see God doing *in or through* a man or woman. So, my unsaved employer is being used of God to pay me to function in the earth realm after a certain standard and for various reasons. And even the drunk in the street who is telling me a tale of woe can be used for good in my life - if I hear his lesson, I can receive His (God's) blessing… and you never know when you’re unknowingly entertaining angels (see Heb 13.2). 

Maybe I was sent into your life to help you. Or perhaps you’re here to help me. Most likely it’s a lot of both - we both bring something to the table, everybody has something to share. I’m pretty handy with a joke or two, and I love a good cup of coffee, or tea, or maybe just a sip of cold water. Though I’m here talking, I promise to leave plenty of space to listen. But maybe, if something I’ve said sparks a little something on the inside, please consider joining me on this Healing Journey… or maybe we’re joining you on yours… In any case, welcome to the Healing Journey where we learn that healing, God's way, is not nearly as complicated as it sometimes seems. It's found in the Simplicity of Grace.