Perhaps you’ve been on the receiving end of offenses: someone has caused you to stumble in your life, and though you may have gotten up, you haven’t gotten over it. Not yet. We still have the sting of abandonment or betrayal gnawing at our soul and we’re wondering if we can ever be free. We still see the shadows of self-doubt and the knowledge that the people are unsafe, and shrink back in fear.
But Jesus came that we would have life, and have it more abundantly. He came to undo the work of the evil one. He came that we would be free.
So how did some of these things happen to us?
Matthew 18th chapter is a snapshot of Jesus's view of spiritual community. In the first six verses it addresses who is the greatest and the necessity of humility, as a little child. In verses 7 through 9 he shares how seriously we should be to avoid causing others to be offended or tempted to sin by our actions. Offenses, also called stumblingblocks in some translations, give occasion and context for sinful behavior on the part of others.
In verses 10 through 14 he shares the Parable of the Lost Sheep and how the shepherd leaves the 99 to go after the one. In context this sheep has been separated from the shepherd and sheepfold by offense. Once offense occurs, we must take great pains to correct the issue, and this requires forgiveness, and this Our Lord visits in vss 15, 21 and 22, and 32-35.
Vs 15: “If your brother sins, go and show him his fault when the two of you are alone. If he listens to you, you have regained your brother.
Vs 21-22: Then Peter came to him and said, “Lord, how many times must I forgive my brother who sins against me? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “Not seven times, I tell you, but seventy-seven times!
Vs 32-35: Then his lord called the first slave and said to him, ‘Evil slave! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me! Should you not have shown mercy to your fellow slave, just as I showed it to you?’ And in anger his lord turned him over to the prison guards to torture him until he repaid all he owed. So also my heavenly Father will do to you, if each of you does not forgive your brother from your heart.”
The heart of forgiveness is about regaining your brother or sister, preserving the essence of relationships and community. In verses 21 and 22 Jesus explains in one answer how far He wants us to go and how impossible the standard truly is. Some versions have 77 times, others have 70 times 7. The answer is the same: we cannot forgive at this level without the agape love of God.
Failing to forgive is no casual matter, it is the height of hatred for your brother or sister and offense towards God. Versus 32-35 depict that if we cannot show mercy to our brother or sister, just as we have had mercy shown to us for every sin that we have ever committed and ever will commit by forgiveness and the covering of our transgressions, then we are as the evil servant who refuses to share the same with others. Such people are punished, turned over to the prison guards for torture until all is repaid.
Forgiveness must come from the heart, not merely from the mind or mental assent. Mental assent means that I have decided to forgive someone, but forgiving from the heart means that I gracefully and patiently go through every possible length to root out any trace of thought, or emotion which would cause me to treat my brother or sister in any way less than what I would want to be treated if asked for forgiveness.
You see, when we treat anyone with less than unconditional love, we sin. Because when we love less, we are actually love-less. God, and therefore His children, do not love on a “sliding scale.” Failing to love is not loving less, it's hatred Love is an all or nothing position for a Christian. Our love walk may not yet be mature, but an unloving Christian should never be. Next week’s topic is about love, so we’ll talk about that a little more then.
So, knowing we are required to forgive, we reduce our forgiveness to a ritual statement, “Of course I forgive you.” But our fear towards them continues. Our anger towards them continues. And bitterness begins to taint our perception and filters the eyes of our soul.
We try to hide it from ourselves, which complicates even further. It begins to take a toll on our soul and body. It causes us stress and anxiety. We’re not as quick to trust. We “guard our hearts,” but not out of wisdom, but from fear of being hurt again.
It can even cripple our ability to receive and to give love effectively.
Let me say that I am deeply sorry to you who have received harm at the hands of those who should have been there to protect you, especially before we even had the ability to truly cope with the matter in a way that would not leave emotionally scarred and spiritually wounded.
Because it’s the job of the shepherds, the authority figures in our lives, to protect us from these things and when we are lost and astray, to bring us back into the sheepfolds of spiritual and emotional safety. And too many times, the offense comes at the very hands of those tasked to protect us. Parents. Teachers. Ministers. Police. Politicians. Spouses.
Sin exists. They are human. But it still isn’t right.
That’s OK, but hear this: forgiveness is not about setting them free. It’s about setting you free. By Royal Decree, if you lose sight of the fact that you’ve been forgiven much and you fail to forgive, your punishment will be severe.
A heart of forgiveness must precede reconciliation. Because if you go to your brother or sister to let them know you have been offended, but you have not forgiven them, then their apology will fall on your deaf ears, and a potentially hard heart.
And understand that forgiveness is both a decision and a process, much like salvation. We are saved by asking Christ to forgive us, but there is still much that needs to be worked out within us - it’s a faith walk. It is so with forgiveness. Sometimes the things done to us are so traumatic that though we can say “I forgive you,” and mean it, we still have to work out our soul’s salvation with fear and trembling, knowing that if we fail to forgive, we may forfeit the freedom of our own soul.
If there’s something in you that still holds on to what has happened in the past, this is the day to declare forgiveness: release, and freedom.
“But they’re still free, they haven’t been punished.” Oh, my dear friend, and beloved of God, you’re not of that spirit any more. The righteous judge will see that they get all they deserve; leave that to Him. Cease playing God, it’s killing you. He will sort everything out. Do not avenge yourselves, dear friends, but give place to God’s wrath, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. (Rom 12:19 NET, see in context vss 14-21)
The things they’ve done, and the impact it’s had upon you are not going to go away with one prayer of forgiveness, or one night, or maybe one week. You will likely have to forgive over and over again. But for the vast majority of us that need inner healing because of broken hearts and wounded spirits, unforgiveness is likely the root of a great many of our ills. It certainly is for me.
Things have been lurking around in the shadows of my mind concerning people I was sure that I’d forgiven. The principal who held me back a grade after we had just moved to a new state. The fellow at the gas station who attempted to molest me. The guy in school who fought me for no reason (that I could remember). My father for his adultery and neglect of his family. The police officer who arrested me wrongfully. The church for not keeping me safe and helping me to heal and also turning their back on me in two times of great need. …myself for allowing so many horrible and ungodly things to happen in my life, whether I’d done them or they had happened to me.
Most, if not all of them I had forgiven. But some I had not forgiven from the heart. The residue was useful for the lies my flesh, satan, and the world wanted to tell me about people not being safe. About me being less than good enough. About me deserving the evil things in my life because of the dark things I'd done, sins I had already been forgiven of, but had never truly processed - because I had not forgiven myself from the heart as well, and therefore could not receive the forgiveness of God fully in those places.
The simplicity of grace is this: you are forgiven, and in that, you are enough and His grace is enough. The King of the Universe loves you, has freed you, but He wants you to participate in your Healing Journey by freeing yourself and releasing those who have wounded you. Decide to forgive yourself. Decide to forgive those who have wounded you. Walk towards that true depth of forgiveness from the heart by allowing God to illuminate the lies you have labored under because of the entryway of their offenses, and release them.
Forgiveness is not optional, and it's often not easy. And when you need someone to walk with you on this part of your Healing Journey, reach out to us. Because you’re not alone, you’re in good company. Share your truth. Ask your questions. Pour out your frustrations. But let’s get this started; let’s be free.
This is Part 3 of a 3 part series on Forgiveness. Part 2 can be found here.
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